[english version] | it's a nightmare

When your coziest place get the scariest. It's not the sofa I’m talking about. It scares me, when thinking of coming home to my own environment and getting cozy in my bed, where it all happened (not my bed though!)A couple of nights ago (Sunday, 2017-10-22), I have dreamt a nightmare. It may sound crazy, but it wasn't a nightmare at first. Turning out, it was rape. I never thought of being violated in a dream. I still cannot put this properly into a meaningful story, but I'll try my best. It's unbelievable, that an actual lovely good-looking guy turnes out to be violent to you.


As already said some sentences above, it all started a couple days ago, when we first met. We met at a park, had a chatty afternoon, went on a long walk and finally we went to his place - I know, I‘ve shouldn't gone home with him to his flat on a first date, but it was a good feeling, so why not?.


At home, he offered me something to drink. He just took himself some water. I decided to "order" a hot chocolate, cause it's the best thing to drink in the autumn, isn’t it?

We sat on the couch and where still the chattiest people - he recommended watching a movie on tv (netflix), I agreed. So we sat on the sofa, all cozy with our drinks. We didn’t pay long attention on watching that movie on netflix. Because I was still a bit cold, I started to cuddle him. He liked that and kissed me on my forehead.


I don't mind, to be honest, getting kissed. I actually quite liked that kiss on the forehead. Somehow his mouth began touching my mouth. Well... you'd know by now, what happened next. We kissed. Intense kissing. Started to take our clothes off. By now he was only wearing his pants - unlikely to me; then I was wearing my underwear and bra. He grabbed me, put me on his bed - and there it all began...


I love cuddling in bed, don’t get me wrong. Of course we didn't only do that! After having lovely sexual intercourse, he again grabbed me and forced me to give him a blowjob. I didn’t want to. But he almost begged for it. So I unzipped his trousers and softly touched his already enormous penis.


[a side note, which I didn’t tell him, I hate giving blowjobs!]


He already fell for that, but I haven’t done much yet, than holding his „thing“. So under his heavy breathing constructions, I did everything, even when I didn’t like it at all.


All of a sudden, he was mean. He screamed at me. Didn’t like anything I did for him.


„That’s a point where you have to leave, whatever happens next; just leave!“


I couldn’t leave for some reason. I felt like being very drunk. Did he put something in my hot chocolate? Must be so, I cannot remember anything. I wanted to stand up, but I was tied up to the bed. What is happening? That question went every second through my head. Almost freaking out, whilst finding an answer to the question I was asking myself over and over again. Where was my date? Where the hell is he? He‘s not in the room, or is he, and can’t see him?


I wanted to kick him away. He‘s not allowed to be near me anymore. But I couldn’t kick, because he even tied my feet somewhere to something. What on earth was going on? Am I involved in a rape? How did this date turn into a violation? Yes, I was involved…


This was one of my nightmares almost a week ago; I‘m still thinking about it, even now, when I’m feeling much better and I catched up on a lot of sleep and not dreaming of anything. I hope not to dream crazy stuff like that in seizable future.

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